Bed Killers

Are they ever going to stop?

When two not-so-slender men share a flat, some things are bound to happen.

An old lady downstairs is bound to hear how two adult elephants spend days galloping from room to room. Even more neighbours — the old lady including — are bound to shake under the heavy waves of baritones belting powerhouse diva ballads. Some of the dwellers might be bound to relocate to other habitats.

Life is bound to change.

Nothing and no one is safe.

The flat they live in will lose some non-essential cosmetic features due to frequent improper utilisation. The flooring they walk on will be covered in dents. Yet, an object under the most severe threat of destruction is, of course, the bed they sleep in.

Yes, when two not-so-slender men share a bed, the bed is bound to get broken. It doesn’t happen because of two not-so-slender men having wild sex every night. It doesn’t happen because of two not-so-slender men inviting other men for wild orgies. These two not-so-slender men occupy themselves with neither of those two exciting activities.

What happens is that two not-so-slender men just sleep — simply sleep — in the same bed. Apparently, modern beds aren’t made to endure the heft of two not-so-slender men sleeping in the most boring, saintlike…