I’m running, again

Trying to feel the world with my feet

Anton Kutselyk


From a very very specific and microscopic angle, my life could be seen as a story of falling in and out of love with running. One season it’s in, one season it’s out — some years can go by with no running at all. This year is set to break through that runingless fate.

Today was the fourth time I went running after a long break. Am I falling in love with running again? I do, and I do try not to fall on the pavement in the meantime.

How do people keep those laces in a tight bow?

I’ve always been a weak lacer.

Is that what it’s called?

I wish I could run and walk barefoot to avoid all that lacing business. I’m civil, however, and to be civil is to keep your feet covered. This is probably for the best since the streets are dirty— too dirty for civil humans, at least.

Dogs don’t care — they just run and walk with no shoes whatsoever. They also seem to be pretty content with the way it is.

People who run — unlike animalistic dog beings — take running very seriously. We have running shoes. We have running shorts. We have running t-shirts. We have running faces that look focused, hot and a little narcissistic.

As a very amateur and impermanent runner, I run in whatever clothes I have that could pass for sportswear.

This is the way for me.

The fashion of running is a fun but superficial bit of human anthropology, sociology, or perhaps even psychology. I’m curious about that. I’m even more curious about the nature of running. That nature runs down to one question — why do I run?

In winter, I get depressed and disconnected from my body. I overeat. I overdrink (only coffee). I oversleep. I overwatch. I overthink. I overdo so many things because I get the sensation of being deficient in something fundamental — a huge sunless hole that has to be filled with vitamin D pills and other less helpful substances.

When spring comes, I get a natural, quite sudden want to reconnect.

I want to reconnect with myself.
I want to reconnect with the world.
I want to reconnect with my feet and the rest of my body.



Anton Kutselyk

I live in Kyiv and write about war, peace, books and coffee.